


Beacon of Hope

by what_a_catch



Series: Safe Places [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-05-25 10:38:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6191776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_a_catch/pseuds/what_a_catch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a great leader gets attached, things can't end well. The battered woman asking for asylum can be her greatest strength or her greatest downfall.</p><p>After one failed chance, can a desperate young woman find a safe place to stay? Is there someone who will really protect her? What does the leader with the soft voice and gentle hands want from her? Whatever it is, she's sure it's a price she's willing to pay.</p><p>(Second Book in "Safe Places"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Asylum

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second installment in "Safe Places." This is for all you Clexa lovers who didn't get their day in court in "Caring for Clarke." Hope you like it!

The gates of Polis were massive, and a welcome sight to Clarke as she strode up to them. The gatekeeper, a stoic man with many scars, evaluated her with a hand on his sword while she gathered enough breath to speak."I seek an audience with Heda Lexa." She announced softly.  
The gatekeeper scoffed, now eyeing her like a vulture. "On what grounds?"  
"I seek protection in the city." Clarke knew her request was odd when she did not explain why the Commander should even be bothered with her, but she would never confess to anyone but Heda Lexa herself why her presence in the Capitol was a matter of concern.  
"What makes you think you would be important to her?" The gatekeeper challenged. "You are nothing more than a foolish girl."   
"I am a scholar and medic." Clarke argued. "Your law indicates that any request for amnesty must be heard formally by the Commander." Clarke was pleased to see that she knew the law better than the insolent gatekeeper.  
"You may enter. A runner will be sent to alert the Commander. Wait at the Castle."  
Clarke nodded. "Thank you."

The gates swung open and Clarke drifted inside, feeling her legs grow weaker with each step. It had been a long and tiring walk to the Capitol, one fueled by adrenaline that was wearing off now that she was safe. The baby squirmed within her, reminding her that she was not yet safe, and took her breath away. She found a low wall along the main road and sat carefully, hoping she would not be penalized for being late to the Castle. She doubted that she could withstand much more of a walk.  
A shadow of a man materialized out of the darkness across the street, the pale lamps barely illuminating his large form. "Are you well?" His low voice asked as he came nearer.  
Clarke's already short breath caught in her throat as he neared, her shaking hands pressed to her belly. Not again. She desperately wished she hadn't stopped. "I... I'm alright." She finally answered shakily, wishing him away.  
The giant of a warrior knelt before her so he was less threatening. "I mean you no harm." He began, trying to remove the war and determination from his eyes. "You look ill."  
Clarke didn't know why she trusted him other than that she was desperate for someone to trust. "I am trying not to be."   
"Where are you headed?"   
"The Castle."  
The warrior nodded. "Can I assist you getting there?"  
Clarke wondered why he cared. Perhaps he didn't notice she was 4-months pregnant, or perhaps he would never actually take her to the Castle... some men got a kick out of screwing a pregnant woman. "It's alright. Really."  
The man met her eyes pointedly. "I am the runner that was sent to alert the Commander. I was worried when you didn't arrive. Let me help you."  
Clarke nodded. She didn't care anymore. Sometimes it even felt good when those awful men slept with her- the baby messed heavily with her hormones.

The warrior offered her his muscular arm and she struggled to her feet. Her legs were still shaking. The warrior began to walk slowly, shifting casually to support Clarke's light weight. Still, she stumbled, trying not to show weakness to the stoic runner. "Take care, Fisa." He warned.  
Clarke nodded.

They walked in silence through the busy streets of Polis, the runner sparing a worried glance down at the young visitor every now and then. When the Castle finally loomed ahead of them, the runner stopped. "Would you like to finish the journey alone?" He understood her pride.  
Clarke hesitated. She worried that she she would not be able to make it on her own, but, equally important, was the necessity of the Commander's positive view of her. "I think I should. Thank you for your assistance."  
The runner bowed his head. "As you wish. Be safe." 

Clarke felt decidedly less steady once the runner had departed, but the path was even and she knew what she had to do. Drawing strength from her confidence, she made her way to the great doors and the guard that stood before them. "The gatekeeper sent me for an audience with Commander Lexa." She informed her, her tone miraculously void of fear.  
The stoic woman nodded. "She is waiting for you." She opened the great doors for Clarke, her dark eyes skating over the new arrival.  
Clarke jumped when the great doors slammed behind her, but the well-lit hall that lay before her held more of her attention than her fear. The great hall ended with another set of vaulted doors, this time with two sentries beside it. This must be the throne room. Clarke reasoned. She inhaled deeply and pressed onward, regretting dismissing the warrior so soon. She did not need to speak to the sentries stationed at the final set of doors. They pushed aside the heavy wood for her without a word, their eyes trained on her back as she made her way inside. 

"Welcome, Clarke." a woman's hard voice rang though the hall.  
Clarke jumped, then tried to conceal her fear. She waited to reply until she was nearer, for she lacked the strength to project her voice far. "Thank you, Heda."   
"My runner tells me you seek asylum here." The Commander's voice was void of any indication of the verdict. Clarke held her breath. "On what grounds do you seek such a favor?"  
The woman's words told Clarke that she would be turned away. Even before she began, she lost hope. "I am being hunted by the militias - for what reason, I do not know. I am a medic and a scholar by trade. I hoped I could be of use in exchange for protection." Her voice shook and she cursed herself. She could already see the Commander tearing apart her weakness.  
"I see." was all she said. Anya would take her. Lexa reminded herself, trying to justify granting the young woman her request for cause other than her personal feelings. And we do need more medics. We always do. She remembered Anya's lessons: "Those here under amnesty or asylum, they are your personal responsibility, Lexa." the warrior had told her from the very throne she now occupied. Lexa would not be opposed to taking in the beautiful creature before her, if for no other reason than that she hoped she could win her favor as a partner. The matter of personal protection would offer her a very convenient window, indeed.   
"Please, Commander. Help me." Clarke pled with the stoic young woman.  
After a moment, Lexa's eyes softened and she rose from her throne. "Clarke, you needn't be so on edge. You are welcome here."  
Clarke sighed in relief. The Commander was the only one powerful enough to protect her until she could make arrangements to get to the sea. "Thank you, Heda."  
Lexa nodded. "May I?" she cut her eyes down to Clarke's swollen belly and Clarke nodded. She descended from the dais and extended a scarred hand toward the crest of it. Clarke stepped forward slightly, accepting the leader's hand against her. The baby kicked and the Commander jumped, smiling. "Hello." she murmured. Clarke allowed the curious woman to probe her, knowing that it was the least she could to in exchange for the Commander's kindness. "You should see our medic." Lexa advised.  
"There shouldn't be anything wrong." Clarke replied, her heart stuttering at the thought that her baby was in danger.  
Lexa smiled slightly in sympathy. "Oh, Clarke. I didn't mean that. I am sure that your baby is alright. I just want you to be careful and make sure that our healer agrees that you are both in good health."  
Clarke nodded, shamed that she had jumped to conclusions like that. "Oh. Alright. Thank you, Commander."  
"Please, call me Lexa." Lexa offered. "I will accompany you."  
Clarke nodded. "Thank you, Lexa."

Lexa felt bold enough when they reached the main part of the city to rest a gentle hand on Clarke's lower back, still keeping a respectful distance from her. Clarke shuddered beneath her hand and bit the inside of her cheek - it had been a long time since she had been touched so gently. Lexa held the door for her when they reached the hospital, offering her a small smile. "Thank you." Clarke murmured as she passed, acutely aware of the leader's bright eyes on her back. She was unsure of how to accept the Commander's attention - she couldn't even guess her intent.   
Lexa walked beside her again, her eyes constantly darting from the hall to Clarke's face. Clarke worried that she was still under evaluation, though she had no more strength to act. The deed was done, yes, but Clarke knew that amnesty was not always as beneficial as what the Laws indicated, and there were many ways she could fall out of Lexa's favor. "You are afraid." Lexa spoke up, her voice echoing down the hall even as quiet as it was.  
Clarke was quick to lie. "Not at all."  
Lexa's lips quirked into an amused smile and Clarke knew she had been caught. "Clarke, be honest. You will not lose our agreement."  
Clarke thought for a moment, then bowed head. "Yes, Heda."  
Lexa stopped her with a gentle hand on her arm. "Why are you afraid?" Her voice spoke of a personal concern that Clarke didn't dare believe to be true.  
"I... I cannot show weakness, but I haven't a choice." Clarke replied.  
"What do you mean?" While alluring, the riddles the young woman spoke were making Lexa worried and impatient.  
Clarke was at a loss for words. She was weak and tired and all she wanted was to lay beside someone who would hold her and protect her. There was no sense in telling the Commander that, though. "I am not as strong as I should be." was all she could say after a moment.  
Lexa met her eyes. "Do you seek more immediate protection?" It was easy to feel vulnerable in Polis- even she did after living in the city for several years. "I will stay with you, if it would ease your mind."  
Clarke shook her head, sending stars across her vision. "Oh, n-no. I could never ask that of you."  
Experimentally, Lexa pulled Clarke's weight against her side, gently supporting the young woman. "I am offering, and I think it would be prudent of you to accept." She sighed when she heard how formal she sounded. She must think me heartless. she mentally kicked herself. So she softened her voice and let her carefully-placed fingers snake around Clarke's back to brush her belly. "Let me help you."  
Clarke looked up, hope barely dawning in her brilliant eyes. "Thank you." She covered Lexa's hand at her side and resisted the urge to lean into the woman's warmth.

As much as Lexa hated to break their physical bond, Clarke was trembling too hard to make the remainder of the walk to Nyko's inner office if she was made to stand much longer. "Come. Nyko will look you over, then we will go and settle you in." She guided Clarke slowly down the hall again, supporting most of her weight still, and watched the woman for any signs of trouble. "Nyko!" she called down the hall once they were close to his examination room, rubbing Clarke's side gently to reassure her despite her loud voice.  
Nyko called back to her in Trigedasleng and Lexa sighed. "He said he will be a moment." she explained to Clarke when she saw her questioning expression.  
Clarke nodded, still safely in Lexa's arms, though her legs were shaking.  
"Here." Lexa offered her, slowly backing her toward the examination table. "Sit and rest." She smiled softly when she discovered that Clarke was unable to lift herself onto the table. The woman was shorter than she realized and far more tired. "Oh." she murmured.  
"I... I'm sorry." Clarke stuttered, leaning heavily against the wooden structure. She tried to lift herself again, her arms shaking so badly that she almost fell to the floor when they could no longer hold her.  
Lexa's warm fingers snaked around her wrists just above where her hands gripped the edge of the table, slowly drawing her hands toward her. "Allow me, Clarke. You are tired." Without ceremony, Lexa took Clarke around the waist and lifted her onto the table, wincing when she felt the woman's sharp hipbones dig into the heels of her hands.  
Once seated, Clarke rubbed the bottom of her belly plaintively, averting her eyes from Lexa's worried gaze.  
"I hurt you. I am sorry." Lexa backed away quickly and ran straight into Nyko.   
Nyko caught Lexa and chuckled under his breath. "Careful, Heda." he admonished at the same time that Clarke assured Lexa that she was fine.   
Lexa was not sure who to respond to first. "Nyko, this is Clarke. She is new to the city." She then turned to Clarke. "It won't happen again, Fisa."  
Nyko was duly surprised to hear Lexa giving respect to someone so obviously beneath her. "Subtle." he muttered just loudly enough for Lexa to hear. She ignored him, but a soft blush crept up behind her distinction paint. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Clarke." Nyko turned his attention to the blonde who was fidgeting on his table like a small child. "What has you in today?" He could assume what was wrong with her and why Lexa brought her, but he wanted her to say it. He was determined to treat her like any normal patient. It commonly soothed the nerves of the frightened injured.  
"Heda Lexa said that I should be examined before retiring." Clarke informed him quite rigidly.  
Lexa did not miss the tremor in her voice or her hands. "Nyko, she isn't feeling well. Perhaps a questionnaire examination can wait."  
Nyko stepped closer to Clarke, as did Lexa, just to ease her mind. "I see. Well, Clarke, do you permit me to perform a physical examination?"  
Clarke nodded.

Lexa looked on anxiously as Nyko poked and prodded the new arrival gently, asking the occasional question. More than once, Clarke went pale and barely stuttered out an answer, but Lexa was able to silence her by meeting her eyes. Clarke had nearly screamed when Nyko examined the fetus and her reproductive areas and soothing her had required Lexa to stroke her hair the entire time, but she was fine. Nyko determined that there was nothing wrong with her beyond stress, exhaustion, malnutrition, and, of course, an unwanted pregnancy.   
Unfortunately, the stress of the examination had weakened Clarke to the point that when she slid from the table, she nearly collapsed. Nyko and Lexa both reached out to steady her. "Clarke?" Nyko asked gently. Her half-lidded eyes flitted to his face. "I am going to carry you to your bed. Lexa will be beside you."   
Clarke nodded. "Thank you."  
Nyko nodded and slowly lifted Clarke into his arms, nodding to Lexa when she reached for Clarke's arm. He knew that it would soothe her to have the Commander's steady hand on her. "Where is she staying?" For once, Nyko would like to know where he was going.  
"My chambers." Lexa replied so softly that Clarke could not hear.

They walked in silence, Lexa's hand remaining on Clarke's arm until the moment she had to open the doors to her private room. Lexa drew back the furs on one side of her large bed and Nyko carefully laid the weak woman onto the mattress. Clarke stirred and cracked open her eyes once she felt she was no longer in the healer's arms and reached for Lexa's hand. The steady rocking of Nyko's even gait had nauseated Clarke on the short journey and being on the bed was only slightly better. Lexa dropped to her knees instantly, covering Clarke's weak hand with her own in an overeager display of concern. "What is it, Clarke?" she asked softly.  
"I... I do not feel well, Heda." Clarke replied softly, her voice strained.   
Nyko looked on worriedly. "What ails you?" he asked before Lexa could waste time with hesitation and the wrong questions. When a woman as traumatized as Clarke was bearing a child, Nyko knew to be extremely cautious of even the little uneases.  
"My stomach." Clarke tried to project her voice enough for the medic to hear, but Lexa repeated it to him to give her peace.  
Nyko knew the risk he was taking when he offered to carry her, but he had come prepared. He always kept remedies for the basics - insomnia, fever, nausea, and restlessness - on his person for a time such as this. He removed a vial for insomnia, restlessness, and nausea respectively from the pockets on his belt and pressed them into Lexa's free palm. "These will help. Give her the last one first, then give her something to eat, then the other two and she will find sleep."  
Lexa nodded. She recognized two of them from Anya's room when she was small, and the third was not hard to forget. "Thank you. I think we will be alright."  
Nyko nodded and dismissed himself, leaving the women alone.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked once Nyko had departed. "I have something for you to help you feel better." Clarke looked up with mild interest. She saw the vial in Lexa's palm and her stomach turned, but she bit her lip to keep from moaning. Lexa saw her pain and sighed in sympathy. "I am sorry. I promise that it will help you, though." She lifted Clarke's head and tipped the vial into her mouth, hoping that she did not upset the apparently-fragile woman.  
Clarke gasped as she swallowed, releasing Lexa's hand to cover her stomach with both her own as she felt the tincture splash into her empty stomach. "Oh."  
Lexa began to pet Clarke's soft curls, waiting and hoping that the medicine worked. She was almost sure it wouldn't until Clarke sighed, sagging against Lexa's arm. "Better?" she asked.  
Clarke's eyes flitted up to her face. "Yes. Thank you, Lexa." She glanced around the room. "Where are we?" The room was lavishly decorated and paneled in dark wood that was well-polished. Polish was rare now.  
"My private room." Lexa replied, easing her back to the mattress. "You will be safe here and it is less suspicious if I am here often. Attention will not be called to you this way." She thought for a moment, searching Clarke's eyes for a moment and weighing the option of sounding more personal. She decided that it would not hurt. "And I was hoping that you would be more comfortable here."  
Clarke offered Lexa a slight smile. She was still not sure what to make of the woman's kindness, but it meant the world to her. "Thank you, Heda. You do not have to do this."  
Lexa smiled slightly. "I want to. I swore to protect you, did I not? Now, I will return in a moment. Nyko has recommended you eat something before you sleep."  
Clarke would rather not eat anything, but the baby squirmed within her, reminding her that she had to support it. "I can go." she offered, then realizing that she did not know where to go and she probably would not be able to get up anyway.  
Lexa laughed - a light sound that had Clarke instantly captivated. "No, no, Fisa. Please just rest."  
Clarke had trouble accepting her order, but she had learned to be submissive. "Yes, Lexa."

Lexa smoothed her hair one last time before hurrying out of the room, running full-out to the kitchens to see if there was anything remotely nutritious for her new... she was not quite sure what Clarke was. But she knew what she wanted her to be. Sadly, she doubted Clarke would be interested in taking a partner for many seasons, if at all.

"Heda." A cook smiled at her when she entered. The man had been serving in the kitchens since she was small, and she and Anya had wheedled many an illicit snack out of him over the years. "What brings you down here?" Although Lexa had become far more serious since Anya's death, he still hoped that the girl held some of the spark that had earned her the name Heda Snatcha.   
"Nyko provided a guest of mine with medicine that is to be taken with food. You wouldn't happen to have anything good down here, would you?" She forced herself to drop her power act and tease the old man for the sake of the past. He had been one of the few that did not fear or revere Lexa while she was rising to be the Commander. He treated her like the mischievous little girl she had once been.  
"I might have something, if your little snatcha didn't run off with it."  
Lexa smiled. "She doesn't mean to cause trouble." she defended her pet.   
The cook laughed and went to the storeroom to find something for Lexa's guest.   
Meanwhile, Lexa tried to coax her raccoon out from her nest of worn sacks in the corner by the fire. "It's time for bed, Little Lexa." she told the curious animal, kneeling down to meet her dark eyes.  
Little Lexa whistled softly and buried her nose in the burlap.  
"No, silly girl." Lexa admonished, smiling at her antics. "Bed upstairs. With Momma."  
The raccoon looked up excitedly and scurried into Lexa's arms, pawing at a tangle in Lexa's hair.

"She's missed you." the cook commented, standing behind the young woman. "She likes the fire, though."  
Lexa looked up. "Thank you for taking care of her. She'll be with me more now, I promise."  
The old man rubbed Little Lexa's head affectionately. "Your bed is always here, snatcha." He handed a tied bundle to Lexa. "For you guest. I hope they like it."  
Lexa balanced Little Lexa on her arm and untied the parcel slightly. There was a bit of bread and a piece of fruit inside. She smiled. It would make a beneficial snack for Clarke. "She will. Thank you." She smiled and gripped his forearm in salute before leaving again, feeling his fond smile on her back.

Little Lexa held on to her back as she ran back to her room, chittering admonitions when Lexa almost ran into people. The coon seemed relieved to be on solid ground once Lexa let her down in her room. With one apprehensive look at the bed, the woodland animal scurried to her bed in the corner and began to contentedly clean herself while Lexa saw to her guest.  
"Clarke?" she called quietly. She didn't want to startle the young woman.  
Clarke was half asleep when she heard Lexa, but roused herself enough to reply "Yes, Lexa?"  
Lexa knelt beside the bed and untied the parcel again so Clarke could see. "I brought you some food."  
Clarke hoped the medicine that Nyko had given her would protect her from her persistent nausea well enough to keep the food down. She had not had much success in that area for weeks. "Thank you, Lexa." she said politely.  
Lexa sensed her apprehension. "Nyko's remedies are usually without fault. Please try." she asked with no explanation.  
Clarke nodded.

Lexa helped Clarke upright and piled pillows behind her so she could recline slightly and be comfortable. Clarke opened the bundle and hesitantly bit into the fruit. Lexa remained on her knees and watched Clarke smile at the taste of the fruit as she chewed, barely wincing when she swallowed. She relished the freedom from her nausea as she ate, and Lexa did not once have to urge her to continue eating. She finished the bread and fruit in a timely manner and folded the bundle again, setting it in Lexa's waiting hand.  
"How do you feel?" the older woman asked.  
Clarke ran a hand over her belly to find that the baby was asleep. She smiled. "I'm fine, thank you. You were right about Nyko's medicine. This is the first time I have eaten and not been sick since I conceived."  
Lexa smiled. "That is good news, Clarke. Perhaps you will enjoy the same respite in sleep as well."  
Clarke doubted it, but she was willing to try if she had chemical help. "Hmm." she passively agreed.  
Lexa uncorked the vial for restlessness and held it out to Clarke. Her hand was shaking, but Lexa was going to let her try on her own. Clarke managed to pour the vial into her mouth, but only just. Lexa would not take the risk with the second- it was far too important. Clarke needed her sleep. "Allow me, Fisa." she offered.  
Clarke wondered whether she had a choice. She didn't much care, though. Lexa's sure hand felt good cupping the back of her neck, holding her so she could tip the medicine past her lips.   
Clarke felt her eyes falling closed even before her body registered the medicine. Lexa was warm and comforting and strong- she was the safe place Clarke had been looking for.

Lexa stroked Clarke's hair until the young woman fell to sleep. She carefully lowered her back to the mattress fully, discarding the pillows that had held her upright. Lexa then dressed for bed and laid beside the bed on the floor, grinning when Little Lexa pulled her blanket over to the bedside as well and curled up against Lexa's chest. The young woman kissed her pet's soft head and smiled. "Night, snatcha."


	2. Good Morning, New Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa wakes with her new guest. Clarke really enjoys breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am very sorry for how long it's been since I updated. I graduated and moved across the country... :(  
> Anyway, thank you for the kudos and the review! It always makes my day knowing someone liked what I wrote. I hope that you will all enjoy this chapter. I have many more chapters planned, and should get to them soon. Enjoy!
> 
> P.S. I guess this chapter is a little short compared to the last one. Sorry! The others will probably be a happy medium between the two.

Lexa woke to the earliest rays of dawn flooding the east wall of the room. She sat up slightly, careful not to disturb Little Lexa, and stretched, her back popping in protest to sleeping on the stone floor. She looked up at Clarke, who was still asleep with a small smile on her lips and smiled as well. Her charge had made it safely through the night. Lexa would have been happy to sit and watch Clarke until sunset if she had the time. Sadly, her duties called her.

She rose soundlessly and Little Lexa heaved open her little eyelids with all the attitude that a small raccoon could possess. The coon climbed into bed with Clarke then, crouching down on the pillow above her light curls and tucking her tail around her feet. Lexa smiled and padded down the hall to her storage room and bathroom to prepare for the day. 

Clarke woke to pale sunlight and a strange whistling noise just above her head. She cracked open her eyes and squinted against the light. She didn't see Lexa anywhere in the great room, nor did she see what could possibly be making that whistling sound. Her body felt heavy, as it usually did, but nothing hurt. She felt more energy than she remembered having even before. It was amazing what a sedative and a good night's sleep could do. Feeling much more confident than last night, Clarke leveraged herself up on one arm and hauled her legs over the side of the bed. Though her arm was shaking, she felt like maybe she could stand. It frightened her to think that she couldn't.

Light footsteps slapped the stone as Lexa strode back into her room. She stopped cold when she saw Clarke half sitting up in bed with tangled hair and shaking arms. She looked a mess, but Lexa would worry about that later. Clarke was in danger of falling if she did not support herself well. Lexa ran to her and dropped to her knees, resting a hand on Clarke's back to help support her. "You should lie back." she advised.  
Clarke dropped her head and nodded. She had so hoped she could uphold her bargain with Lexa- but how could she be a scholar when she couldn't get out of bed? Lexa carefully lowered her back to the mattress and pulled the furs around her again. "Good morning." Clarke greeted her.  
Lexa smiled slightly. "Good morning, Clarke. Did you sleep well?"  
Clarke nodded. She could hear the whistling noise again. "What's that sound?" she asked Lexa.  
Lexa chuckled under her breath and reached above Clarke's head to retrieve the culprit: a small sleeping raccoon. "She snores." Lexa said apologetically.  
The raccoon lifted its head with a groggy squeak to the effect of "huh?" Once it registered that Lexa was holding it, it put its head back down.   
"Um, okay." Clarke wasn't really sure how to respond.  
"Her name's Little Lexa." Lexa explained. "She's my pet. She won't hurt you... Just try to clean you."  
Clarke smiled. "Okay then." The Commander had a pet. What else about Lexa made her human?

"Are you hungry?" Lexa asked, her attention shifting from her snoring coon to her weakened guest.  
"I should eat." Clarke told her, trying to rise again.  
Lexa gently held her down. "Clarke, I will get you breakfast. You are to remain here until you are stronger."  
Clarke nodded. Who was she to argue with the Commander? And besides, staying in bed sounded nice. "Thank you."  
Lexa ducked her head, stepping back and setting Little Lexa down on her blankets. "Of course. I'll be back soon. Is there anything in particular you would like?"  
"No," Clarke smiled. "thank you, Lexa. You're sweet."  
"I aim to please." Lexa offered Clarke a small smile and strode off, determined to find some sticky buns as a treat for Clarke. She would like them.  
~  
Clarke nearly fell asleep again while she waited for Lexa to return. Her bed was soft and comfortable and she hadn't realized how tired she was until now. She kept herself awake by trying to take in every detail of Lexa's room: the stone walls, the carved table that stood between two chairs and a divan, the simple desk settled in the far corner by an impressive bookcase that was overflowing with jewel-toned books and worn papers. Clarke tried to imagine Lexa alone in the room - what would she do? Would she be at her desk drafting laws and meeting agendas for the next Coalition meeting? Would she take a book over to the divan and read the worn pages for pleasure? Clarke felt a bit odd imagining those things, like she was somehow invading Lexa's privacy, but she was fascinated.

Lexa pushed open the large door with her foot, balancing a tray of breakfast from the kitchens. The cooks had been all too pleased to make a meal for Clarke that would bring her back to health quickly, especially when Lexa told them that Clarke was expecting. They had vowed secrecy, of course, for Clarke's benefit, but Lexa was pleased that the cooks were already anxious to do their part to heal her guest. She just hoped that Clarke liked what they had prepared. "Clarke?" she called once the door closed behind her.  
Clarke broke out of her thoughts to answer Lexa. "I'm here."  
Lexa thought that was an odd way of replying. Normally someone would just say "yes" or "hello," not "I'm here." She made a mental note to ask Clarke about it sometime. Until then, she carried on. "I have breakfast. The cooks send their regards as well as sticky buns." She tried for a small smile.  
Clarke thought that Lexa looked stunning when she smiled. She tried not to stare, even as Lexa's smile faded, and instead focused on her reply. "That's very kind of them."  
Lexa nodded. "They like to spoil guests and youngons. They are the bane of war training, I swear."  
Clarke smiled. "Who knew that sticky buns could topple an empire?" she joked.  
Lexa cracked a smile again. "Now you sound like my general." She set the tray on the bedside table and looked at Clarke for a moment, her eyes unreadable. "I know that you do not like being confined to bed," she chose her words carefully, "so perhaps you would like to go to the table?"  
Clarke looked over to the far corner of the room and noticed a small table with two chairs situated near a window. She had missed that in her sweep of the room. It was a ways away from the bed. If she couldn't sit up properly, how did Lexa expect her to walk half-way across the room? "I... I don't think I can." she told the leader.  
Lexa offered her her hand. "I will help you."  
Clarke wasn't sure what she should do, but she wanted to prove to Lexa that she was willing to do whatever it took to keep her asylum, so she accepted Lexa's scarred hand and let the woman help her from the warmth of the furs.

Clarke had to be slow. She hated it, but even with Lexa's help, her legs were shaking so badly she had trouble moving. Lexa was patient, though, and held her tightly so she wouldn't fall. "You can do it." she encouraged every now and then. "Almost there."  
Clarke thought it was sweet how careful and worried Lexa was. She wondered if the leader was always this gentle or if she was doing it just for her. "Thank you for helping me." she said once Lexa had seated her at the table.   
"Of course." Lexa replied modestly, carrying the breakfast try to the table. She set a glass of water, a plate of fruit and a sweet-smelling roll before Clarke, then sat across from her with her own apple and water.  
Clarke looked up. "Is that all you're eating?" she worried. She wasn't sure if she was overstepping or not, but she was worried about the young woman. She was already thin - Clarke hoped she wasn't starving herself.  
"Yes. Why?" Lexa replied innocently.  
"I would have thought that a warrior such as yourself would want more fuel for the day." Clarke tried to sound light and casual. She thought she failed, but Lexa waved it off.  
"No, this is alright for me. I lack an appetite in the mornings." Lexa explained. She was unused to defending her personal habits. It had been many years since she had had someone to question her. "Is your meal acceptable?"   
Clarke nodded. "It's wonderful, thank you."  
Lexa nodded, taking a bite of her apple.

The women sat in silence for a while before Lexa spoke. "How did you come to be here, Clarke?" It was a dangerous question. She didn't want to risk upsetting the fragile woman, but she was curious.  
Clarke finished her bite of the wonderful sticky bun Lexa had brought and considered her answer carefully. "I started as a militia doctor." She stopped and examined a berry. She could feel Lexa's intense green eyes on her, waiting calmly for her to continue. I owe her the truth. Clarke reminded herself, eyes still on her plate. Then she can make an informed decision. "The leader decided to requisition me and made it clear that I didn't really have a choice." She couldn't look up at Lexa's face. "When I found out about the baby, I tried even harder to get out."  
Lexa gently covered Clarke's pale hand with her own. "You fought well. Then you came to us." she finished for the woman, seeing her unease. She met Clarke's eyes and tried to reassure her. "We are very pleased to have you here, Clarke." she offered tentatively. She wanted to say "I," not "we," but she wasn't ready for that yet - neither of them were.  
"I'm happy to be here." Clarke said honestly. "I finally feel like I can breathe again."  
Lexa's full lips twitched in a slight smile. "Good. You should finish eating."  
Clarke was all too willing. She was still hungry and having told Lexa about what happened had taken a huge weight off her shoulders. She knew Lexa was watching her, calmly sipping at her water, but Clarke didn't care. Lexa was gentle and patient - she knew she didn't have to hurry.

Once Clarke had finished her meal, Lexa placed the plate back on its tray along with her apple core and water glass. "Do you want to go back to bed?"   
Clarke shrugged. It felt nice sitting up for a while, but she was tired. She hadn't realized how hungry she had been until she was full. She wasn't used to being full. It made her feel sleepier than she probably should be after sleeping for hours on end the night before.  
Lexa crouched down beside her and met her eyes. "Clarke, you can decide." she insisted.  
Clarke searched her eyes for more reassurance than her words offered and finally nodded. "Okay." she mumbled. "I'll go back to bed."  
Clarke expected Lexa to nod and maybe offer her a hand, but the woman stayed where she was, hung up on Clarke's words. "Are you doing this because you want to, or because you assume that is what I want?" she asked, but it sounded more like a statement to Clarke.  
Clarke froze, panicked. How could Lexa know all that? Had she said something? What if she was back to talking in her sleep? "I want to." she decided, whether it was true or not."  
Lexa nodded. "I hope so, Clarke." Clarke shivered involuntarily when she said her name. The leader offered her her hand. "You must be tired."

Clarke accepted Lexa's hand, relying on her strength to rise to her feet. Lexa was quite strong for a woman her size, Clarke noted as the Commander effortlessly pulled her from her chair. The moment she was standing, Lexa had a bracing arm around her, careful not to get too close to move too quickly - she did not want to scare Clarke. "Are you ready?" she asked softly. Clarke nodded, resolute, and put one foot in front of the other. Lexa was pleased that the walk back to the bed was not as slow and nerve-wracking as the one from it. It appeared that, however tired Clarke was, the meal had given her some strength. "Here we are." she murmured, mostly to herself, as she lowered Clarke to the mattress. Clarke looked up at her with wide eyes and Lexa noticed then that she had a clear view down the other woman's shirt. She tried not to blush. "What is it?" she asked instead, dropping to one knee before her guest.  
Clarke shook her head and Lexa noticed tears in her eyes. "Nothing."  
Lexa caught her face with a gentle hand, bringing Clarke to look at her. "Clarke?"  
A tear fell onto Lexa's finger and Clarke bit down on her lip. How were her feelings getting so out of hand? She thought she was past the overly-emotional hormonal phase. "I'm okay." she insisted once she was sure she wasn't going to start sobbing. She didn't know why she was crying, but she had to stop. Lexa couldn't see her like this.  
Lexa's eyes softened and she rose on her knees to take Clarke into her arms. "Cry." was all she had to say before Clarke lost it. She melted down into sobs in Lexa's arms and buried her face in the leader's warm neck. She didn't know why she was crying, only that it felt so good to finally get it all out.  
Lexa sighed, resting her cheek against Clarke's dirty hair. She'll have to clean up soon. she mentally noted. She rubbed circles on Clarke's bony back, hoping to bring her some comfort. 

Clarke cried herself out after several minutes, leaving her breathless and exhausted. Lexa cradled her head gently for a moment before releasing her slowly, bracing her shoulders with her hands. "Are you alright now?"  
Clarke nodded. "Thank you. I... I really needed that, I guess."  
"Do you think you can rest, now?" Lexa queried.   
"Yeah."  
Lexa seemed satisfied. "Good. Is there something sedentary you would like to do if you can't sleep?"  
Clarke would love a sketchbook. She missed drawing. She wanted to ask if Lexa had any blank paper, but paper was so precious and surely she would need whatever of it she could get to draft important papers. But she really didn't want to read. Books held no interest to her. Lexa was sitting and waiting patiently for her answer, but she didn't have one to give her. She wanted to trust Lexa, so she asked for a sketchbook. She thought Lexa would be angry with her, but the leader nodded instead. "I'm certain I have something here for you." she muttered, going to rifle through the bookcase. She returned with a bound book and a box of pencils. They were short stubs, but they were real pencils; Clarke couldn't remember the last time she had held a real pencil.  
"Thank you." Clarke whispered, staring at the items in awe.  
Lexa shifted uncomfortably. "Are they good?"  
Clarke looked up at her, finding hope in the slight insecurity in her eyes. "They're perfect. Thank you, Lexa."  
Lexa nodded, satisfied. "I apologize. I must go. There is a Coalition meeting soon." Her eyes skated over Clarke once. "Will you be alright here?"  
"I'll be fine, Lexa. Thank you." Clarke nodded encouragingly.  
Lexa left reluctantly, giving strict orders to the guards to listen for Clarke if she ever needed anything.


	3. Our First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa spends a lot of time worrying about Clarke. Clarke learns a thing or two about Little Lexa and Heda Lexa. Lexa isn't smooth. At all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I know it's been forever since I've posted. This chapter proves to be significantly longer than the last one, so I hope it's worth it. Sorry about the wait - writers block's a beast.
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me! XOXO

Clarke jumped back into reality when there was a sharp knock on the door. "Hello?" she called.  
Lexa poked her head in, her eyes shadowed in black war paint. "Clarke? May I come in?"  
Clarke nodded. "Of course." Lexa looked quite impressive. Clarke tried not to notice how well she wore her power, but her stomach still turned.  
Lexa slipped in carrying a tray of food. "Are you hungry?" she asked from the doorway.  
Clarke shrugged. She hadn't really done much since breakfast, but the baby made her hungrier than usual.  
Lexa sighed the most maternal sigh Clarke had ever heard. The leader set the tray on the table and went to Clarke's bedside. Clarke noticed there were two plates on the tray and got a little hopeful. She knew that she shouldn't be so excited to spend time with Lexa, but she had really enjoyed their breakfast together. "Clarke. You have to eat." she implored.  
"Okay." Clarke agreed. "I will."  
Lexa almost smiled then. "Good. I can stay... if you would like."  
Clarke laughed. "Of course you can! This is your room, after all."  
"Thank you." Lexa looked away shyly. "Would you like to go to the table?"  
Clarke felt like she should, especially since she had been sitting for most of the time Lexa had been gone. She was able to get up a few times to relieve herself and stretch her legs, but she had barely made it back to bed. She had felt so much better when she had had Lexa's strong arms supporting her. "I'm a little tired, Heda."  
Lexa nodded. "Of course. Come sit up a little." She helped Clarke fluff up her pillows and settled the woman against them, then stood to retrieve the tray. She handed Clarke a plate and settled down on the floor beside the woman with her own plate.

"You don't have to sit on the floor if you don't want to." Clarke spoke up after a moment. She didn't feel right sitting up so comfortably whilst Lexa's long limbs were folded on the floor.  
Lexa looked up at her, her emerald eyes soft. "I am fine here, Clarke, unless there is somewhere you would rather I be."  
Clarke was still processing how consistently selfless Lexa was being. She had never met someone - a leader, no less - that had so easily put someone's preferences before their own. "Y-you can come and join me up here if you want." she offered.  
Lexa studied her for a moment, reading her face for her true intent. She saw that Clarke really did want her on her same level, so she complied. She took her plate and rounded the foot of the bed, sitting very gingerly beside Clarke - she did not want anything to jar the fragile woman. She spared a glance at Clarke and was pleased to see that she looked satisfied.

Clarke let another few minutes pass before she spoke again, using the time to organize her thoughts. There were so many questions she had been dying to ask Lexa all morning, but, of course, she hadn't thought to write any of them down. "Have you always known you would be the Commander?" she asked awkwardly, hoping she didn't come off as too nosy or ignorant.  
Lexa looked up. "No. There were many that were confident in me and desired me to take the Flame, but I did not count the victory until it was won."  
Clarke found Lexa's answer troubling. What kind of person did not want to accept people's confidence in her? "What did you do before you became Heda?" she tried again. Maybe Lexa would be a little less rigid this time.  
"I trained under a Woods Clan general." Lexa told her, intentionally softening her tone to make up for her previous harsh answer. "She trained me in politics, survival, tracking, and combat." Lexa hesitated, but she felt like she should give Clarke a little more information, just to honor her effort. "She was like a mother to me. She even followed me here once I began my training to compete for Command."  
"She sounds like a good mother." Clarke commented.  
"Sha. She was." Lexa agreed.

When Lexa offered nothing more, Clarke let them lapse into silence. They finished their meals this way, even though she had a thousand more questions for the Commander. Once Clarke had finished her plate, Lexa met her eyes. "I am sorry, but I cannot stay. Will you be alright for a few more hours?"  
Clarke nodded. She was a bit disappointed that Lexa was leaving again, but she understood that the woman had a Coalition to lead. "I'll be fine, Lexa. You worry too much."  
Lexa shrugged, sliding off the bed. "It is impolite to leave a guest without an attendant." she argued. She took Clarke's plate and set it on the tray with her own. "Would you like company?"  
"Oh, no thank you." Clarke declined. "I'm alright, Lexa. Little Lexa has been quite the companion."  
Lexa smiled. "I'm glad. She'll be back soon to make sure you are full and cleaned. She's concerned that way."  
Clarke nodded. "I think she wants to clean the baby, too. She keeps pawing at my stomach and then plastering herself onto it and purring."  
"Aww. She wants to protect the little one."  
"That's cute. She's just like her nomon." Clarke was immediately worried that she had gone too far in assuming that Lexa wanted to protect the baby. She wanted to retract it, but Lexa was by her side before she could, resting a gentle hand over her belly.  
"I can't purr, but I do have three swords." she offered tentatively.  
Clarke laughed. "Okay, Heda Snatcha."  
Lexa smiled. "I will see you later."  
"Have a good afternoon."  
"You as well." Lexa took the tray and closed the door behind her with one last smile at her guest.  
~  
Clarke turned to Little Lexa, who was enjoying her own lunch in the corner of the room. "Do you like your lunch?" she asked idly.  
Little Lexa looked up inquisitively, a piece of fruit in her "hands." She chittered for a moment, likely something to the effect of "yes. It's very nice."  
"Good." Clarke carried on, assuming that she had interpreted Little Lexa correctly. "Does your Mama take good care of you?"  
At this, Little Lexa set down her fruit and nodded. She understood some of that, at least.  
Clarke smiled. "I bet. Wanna come and eat up here like she did?" She was lonely enough to be befriending a raccoon, a fact that she found a little sad, but Little Lexa was quite funny and a bit like Lexa herself in her innate intelligence.   
Little Lexa gathered up her food and walked on her back legs up to the bed, offering up her food to Clarke. Clarke leaned down and lifted both the raccoon and her food up onto the bed. Little Lexa spread her food out on the furs again, arranging it carefully on the handkerchief it had been bundled in. She held out a piece of bread to Clarke with a squeak.  
Clarke smiled down at her. "Aww, thank you, snatcha." She smiled down at the animal and accepted her offering with a rub on Little Lexa's head in return. Little Lexa nodded once and went back to her meal. Almost immediately following her lunch, the raccoon fell asleep, curled up next to the neatly-folded handkerchief that had once held her lunch. Clarke smiled and stroked her back until she started whistling in her sleep.  
"Sleep tight, Little Lexa." she murmured, slipping out from beneath the furs of her own and pushing herself to her feet. "I'll be right back."

Clarke wandered down the hall just off of Lexa's room in search of a washroom of some kind. She knew she looked awful - she wanted to clean herself up for Lexa. Her legs were a little stronger after the meal and she was able to reach the second door along the hall and find Lexa's personal washroom. There was a deep steel bathtub and coals around it to heat it, a screen to change behind, braises and trees of candles, shelves of soaps and other lavish things that took Lexa's breath away, and more, all contained within dark stone walls that made the room look smaller than it was. Clarke was vaguely reminded of the shelters she had hidden in on her way to Polis but, unlike the dank, musty air that had hung over her then, this air was light and smelled like Lexa. She turned to the spotted mirror over the wash basin and groaned: she looked like death. She poured a small amount of water from the pitcher beside the basin and rubbed it over her face. She wished she could have washed her hair but she doubted she had enough water for that and she didn't want to take from Lexa when she didn't have permission.

Little Lexa came wandering around the corner and stared at Clarke inquisitively. "What're you doing, Snatcha?" Clarke asked, studying Lexa's pet.  
Little Lexa chittered for a moment, then ran back toward the bedroom, looking expectantly over her shoulder at Clarke when the woman didn't follow immediately.  
"I'm coming, Little Lexa." Clarke assured the raccoon, shuffling after her.  
Little Lexa was waiting on the bed with a leather ball in her hands. She offered it to Clarke with a sort of smile.   
"Oh. Do you play fetch with this, then?" Clarke asked the animal. She didn't want to insult Little Lexa's intelligence by assuming that a game such as fetch was the only use for a leather ball.  
Little Lexa squeaked and threw the ball at Clarke. She then looked expectantly at the woman, holding out her hands.  
"Oohh. It's catch." Clarke realized. She threw the ball gently back at Little Lexa and she caught it deftly before throwing it back to Clarke. Clarke found the game oddly therapeutic and she wondered if Little Lexa was playing for the same reason.  
~  
Lexa scanned the busy marketplace for an opening in which to insert herself into the fray. She did not want to take a guard and call attention to herself, especially after they had stood by her during her meetings all afternoon. So, she had to settle for weaving between careless merchants in order to cross the marketplace to the one seamstress she could trust to have a dress that would fit Clarke. She put her head down and began her journey. She took a moment to make herself slightly more presentable before ducking through the low doorway into the shoppe. "Hello?" she called, scanning the room for the pleasant elderly seamstress. "Shae, are you in here?"  
"Yes, I'm here." Shae called from the back room. She appeared a moment later, a smile on her face. "Hello, Heda."  
Lexa smiled. "Hello, Shae."  
"What can I do for you? Is it a party dress? Maybe something to help your fortune in the bedroom?" Shae needled good-naturedly. She remembered the last time Lexa had come to her alone: the girl had wanted a rather revealing dress to entice her prudish girlfriend. That had been such a joy to watch unfold.  
Lexa laughed. "Sadly, no, Shae. I have no one I would need to get lucky with. It's a gift, actually, for a guest of mine. I was wondering if you had a dress here for an expecting mother. Maybe four, five months along."  
Shae eyed her young commander. "Is she alright?"  
"Yes. She is fine." Lexa assured the woman. "I just want to take her to dinner tonight and I thought she would feel better with something new to wear."  
"I see. That is very thoughtful of you, Lexa." Shae agreed. "I think I have just the thing." She hurried into the back room and returned a moment later with a stunning blue dress that Lexa knew Clarke would look stunning in.  
"This is beautiful." Lexa breathed. "She will like it very much."  
Shae eyed Lexa with playful suspicion. "You have eyes for her, don't you?"  
Lexa's eyes widened fractionally but she recovered smoothly. "That would be improper."  
Shae laughed. "Of course, Heda. And you always follow the rules of propriety."  
"Thank you for your help, Shae." Lexa changed the subject. "I trust at least I will be returning for more of your beautiful creations. Perhaps I can convince my guest to join us someday."  
"I would like to meet the woman who has such an effect on the almighty Heda." Shae agreed. "But if you are to get her ready for dinner, you should go. Not everyone can be presentable at a moments' notice."  
Lexa smiled. Apparently her preparedness had earned her quite the reputation among Polis' artisans. She had railed against being an image of perpetual beauty at first but now she had come to accept it. "Oh, Shae. I am never presentable."  
"Then get going, unkempt youngon." the old woman teased. "I won't have you dirtying my shop."  
Lexa played along. "Sha, maestra." She bowed with a smile and took her leave, feeling the old woman's smile on her back.  
~  
Clarke looked up when a knock sounded on the door, still holding the ball she was playing catch with Little Lexa with. "Come in!" she called. Little Lexa squeaked and looked at Clarke expectantly, so Clarke threw the ball again as the door opened.  
"Am I interrupting?" Lexa asked.  
Little Lexa squeaked and dropped the ball. She ran at Lexa, chittering, and began to inspect the fabric slung over her owner's arm.  
Clarke looked up and offered Lexa a smile. "Hello. You're not interrupting at all. We were just playing catch."  
Lexa smiled, scratching Little Lexa behind the ears. "I am glad that she can keep you company."  
"She's so smart." Clarke commented in surprise. "You did a good job training her."  
"I can't take all the credit." Lexa said with a smile. "She's a very smart coon. Aren't you, snatcha?"  
Little Lexa nodded and purred her agreement.

Lexa straightened up and examined Clarke with a sullen expression then, all traces of her former cheer gone. "Are you feeling better?"  
Clarke found herself wishing for the smile to go back into Lexa's eyes - she liked the woman so much better that way. But still, she answered. "Yes. Thank you."  
Lexa moved to stand only a few feet from Clarke, shifting nervously. "Would you feel up to going out for dinner tonight?"  
"I... I, um..." Clarke stuttered. She wasn't sure what to say.  
"I brought you something to wear if you ever would like." Lexa offered.  
Clarke finally gave the cloth draped over Lexa's metal-plated arm her attention. It was, in fact, a dress, she noticed. A deep blue one with what looked like long, elegant sleeves. "I would like to, very much." she finally agreed.  
Lexa smiled. "Only if you're sure."  
Clarke nodded. "It'd do me good to get out, I think."  
"Good." Lexa regarded her carefully. "Would you like to freshen up at all?"  
Clarke nodded. "Only if you don't mind. I don't want to be a bother."  
"I can assure you that you are not, Clarke." Lexa met her eyes. "I will send for the acolytes to assist you."  
Clarke took a risk and caught Lexa's wrist as she turned to go. When Lexa turned around, Clarke almost lost her nerve and complied but the warmth in Lexa's eyes gave Clarke courage. "You don't have to do that." she offered.  
Lexa realized how frightening she must be to Clarke looming over her like she was when Clarke wanted to disagree with her. She knelt and nodded for Clarke to continue.  
Clarke swallowed before finishing her thought. "I can manage on my own."   
Lexa's eyes went to the bulge in Clarke's shirt. "Clarke, if you will not let anyone else help you, at least let me?"  
Clarke wasn't sure what Lexa was insinuating. "I-I'll be fine, Lexa." she insisted.  
Lexa sighed. "Please?"  
"Why?"  
"I don't want you to tax yourself when you can have help." Lexa explained.  
Clarke was touched. She didn't think that Lexa would be so attuned to anything that could go wrong. "Oh. Well, um, thank you."  
Lexa smiled, grateful that she had won. "Of course. Would you like a hand up?"  
Clarke smiled and took Lexa's outstretched hand, letting Lexa pull her gently from the bed. Little Lexa squeaked and ran ahead of the women to the bathroom and Lexa offered Clarke her arm. They went slowly, Lexa ever cautious of Clarke's comfort.

When they reached the bathroom, Lexa pulled out the stool from the vanity table and sat Clarke down while she and Little Lexa started warming water for a bath. Lexa laid out the dress on the dais to steam itself out and Clarke's eye was immediately drawn to it. It was stunning. The deep blue fabric was intricately embroidered with silver thread along the long sleeves and modest neckline, the skirt was full and well-tailored, and Clarke did not miss the slight dip in at the waist designed to accommodate the slight bulge of her belly. It looked like someone had put a lot of time into making it.

Lexa spared a casual glance at Clarke from time to time as she filled the tub with warm water, watching for any signs of weariness that would indicate that their plan to go out would be unwise. While she was stealing her looks, she caught Clarke watching her as well. She pretended not to notice how the blonde's eyes would run over her body when she lifted the kettles and decided to be just a bit of a show-off for her benefit. So as not to be left out, Little Lexa went around the room and made sure each candle was properly lit before bringing Lexa a cake of soap for Clarke to use. Lexa smiled and rubbed her pet's head and Clarke laughed. "She's so concerned, isn't she?" she asked idly.  
Lexa looked up, pouring the last kettle of water into the washtub. "I think she's adopted you."  
Little Lexa squeaked her affirmation and began to clean Lexa's leg for something to do with her hands while her owner was busy staring into her guest's eyes.  
Clarke found herself taken aback by Lexa's open stare and looked away as soon as she realized what had happened. Lexa bit her lip and mentally kicked herself. "The water's ready." she told Clarke instead. "Would you like help with anything?"  
Clarke pushed herself to her feet and shook her head. "I think I'll be okay. Thank you, though."  
"Of course." Lexa ducked her head as a sign of respect and made to leave, but Clarke stopped her.  
"Lexa, wait." She didn't know what had come over her, causing her sudden outburst, but she felt something within her settle when Lexa turned away from the door.  
"Yes, Clarke?" Lexa asked, concerned.  
"C-could you... could you stay?"  
Lexa noted Clarke's anxious tone and carefully contemplated her response. "If that is what you want." she finally said softly. "Do you require assistance?"  
Clarke was slightly frustrated that Lexa didn't seem to understand why she was asking her to stay. It wasn't because she was weak, even though she was: it was because she didn't want to be alone. She had been alone all day and that wasn't so hard, but she was a little afraid to try to take a bath and clean herself up all alone. She still wasn't used to how her body felt now. "I think I'll be okay. I just... I just didn't want to be alone." Clarke heard how foolish that sounded and ducked her head. "I'm sorry. You can go if you want."  
Lexa was in front of her in an instant. She took Clarke's hand gently in her own and lifted the woman's chin with her other hand. "You do not have to be sorry, Clarke." she told her gently. "I will do whatever you require of me. Never be afraid to ask for anything. I will not get angry."  
Clarke shuddered slightly at Lexa's words. They wormed their way down into a raw part of her deep down and settled there, mending the wound as gently as the voice that had carried them. "Thank you." was all she could choke out without risk of tears.  
"My pleasure." Lexa assured her. "I think your water is getting cold, though."  
"Oh." Clarke smiled slightly at herself. She had allowed herself to be distracted again by the enigma of a woman before her. "Thank you for filling it for me. I know that's not usually work the Heda would do for herself."  
"That is where you are wrong, Clarke." Lexa told her. "I do not find any work beneath me. I enjoy doing things for others when I can."  
"I look forward to seeing what other hidden talents our Heda has, then." Clarke challenged with a smile.  
"I'm sure there are a few you will find valuable." Lexa rose to the challenge. "Now, I will turn my back so you can get in. If you require anything, just ask."   
Clarke wondered why Lexa had suddenly become so formal, but she ignored it in favor of slipping from her clothes and lowering herself into the blissfully hot water Lexa had prepared for her. Once she was covered up to her chest, she spoke up. "You can turn around if you want."  
Lexa first glanced over her shoulder like an awkward teenager to ensure the coast was clear, then hesitantly turned around to face Clarke fully. "Is it alright?" she worried. She didn't know how Clarke liked her baths.  
Clarke smiled. "It's perfect. Thank you."  
Lexa ducked her head. "A pleasure. I will leave you now."  
Clarke almost wanted to ask her to stay, but she didn't want to be selfish. There was only so much of the Commander that she was willing to claim or request. She decided that it was better to let Lexa give of herself rather than if Clarke asked anything of her - things would just go better that way.

Lexa took a moment while Clarke was busy washing the dirt from her hair to examine her: the smooth planes of her back, her nimble fingers, the slight smile on her face as she finally cleaned herself after who knew how long of living in the woods. The leader then realized that she should probably consider stopping staring like a shameless second and go and get herself presentable so she could focus on Clarke once she was done with her bath. With one last worried glance at her guest, Lexa slipped from the washroom and into the adjoining closet in search of a dress that was not bloodstained or ripped from celebrations gone bad. Buried in the back of one of the corners was a long black dress that Lexa had not worn in years, though she remembered it well. She lifted it from its hangar and admired it fondly, pleased that there were no cosmetic damages to be seen. It would do to take Clarke to dinner. She remembered when her General had brought it home for her as a birthday present just after she had ascended - she had worn it that night out to a small celebration in an outlying village with her friends and surrogate family. They had all been so young then. Lexa couldn't help but sigh as she removed her battle clothes and donned the dress again, wishing she felt as happy and free as she had last time she had put it on.  
Banishing those thoughts, she adjusted the fabric to fall in all the right ways and clasped her iron corset over it for added attention to her figure. It wasn't like she cared overmuch about her body - it was a weapon, nothing more - but she knew everyone else liked to see a beautiful Heda. And, if nothing else, she hoped to impress Clarke just a little bit.

While she was debating whether to wear her warpaint or not, she heard Clarke calling for her. She immediately burst into the washroom, worried something was wrong. Much to her relief, Clarke was clean and appropriately covered and safe, just a little confused. Clarke looked down apologetically and mumbled, "I'm sorry. I just didn't know where you went."  
Lexa wanted to wrap her up in a thousand blankets and hold her as tightly as she had to to get that look of self-deprecating regret off Clarke's face. Acknowledging that that approach was likely too extreme, Lexa settled for kneeling before her and taking her hands. "Do not apologize, Clarke." she insisted. "I should have told you where I was going. I am sorry."  
Clarke didn't know how to respond to such a powerful person apologizing. She didn't want to argue with her and say that she shouldn't have and that she herself was being silly, but she didn't want Lexa to think that she ever had to explain herself to Clarke.   
While Clarke and her anxiety were trying to come up with an appropriate response, Lexa stood and rested a hand gently on Clarke's belly over dressing gown she had slipped on. "It's okay." she murmured in Clarke's ear. She knew what was going on in Clarke's head. She herself was no stranger to social anxiety, though it was hard to believe with her job. "You don't have to say anything."  
Clarke stuttered for a moment, caught off-guard by Lexa's insights, and let the woman lead her to the vanity table. "Lexa, I..." she started to protest when the leader began running a bone comb through Clarke's long hair.  
"While I do not doubt that you can do this for yourself," Lexa cut her off gently, "please allow me."  
Clarke looked up at Lexa's face in the mirror and saw nothing but calm care in her eyes. Clarke thought that she looked like a mother, but figured that she was probably just reading too much into it. There was no way Lexa had ever had children to care for. "Thank you." she whispered.  
Lexa just nodded and continued her work.

Clarke allowed herself to be lulled into a daze by the feeling of Lexa's careful hands in her hair. She didn't know what the woman was doing back there - the comb had been set aside long ago - but when Lexa finally stepped away, Clarke was stunned. Lexa had managed not only to make her mess of hair look good again, but also to twist the light strands into the most intricate braids Clarke had ever seen. "Oh." she gasped, smiling slightly in awe.  
Lexa also spared a smile. "Do you like it?" It had been a while since she had done anyone's hair besides her own - she hoped she was still decent at it.  
Clarke nodded, surprised that the braids stayed firmly in place. "They're beautiful." She turned around on the stool to meet Lexa's eyes. "Thank you, Lexa."  
Lexa looked down modestly. "It was nothing. Let's get you dressed before it's too late for dinner."  
Clarke smiled and offered Lexa's extended hand up.

After only a few incidents of teenage awkwardness, Clarke and Lexa were both fully presentable and ready to go to dinner. On their way out of Lexa's room, the woman stopped Clarke and extended two vials to her. "I thought these might be helpful for tonight. For anxiety and nausea." she explained.  
Clarke hesitated for a moment, worried about what all these tinctures Lexa was giving her would do to the baby, then downed them anyway. She knew that no healer would allow Lexa to give her anything she shouldn't have. And besides, she would like to enjoy her evening with Lexa.   
Lexa rewarded her with a small smile and offered her her arm. "Alright, then. Shall we?"  
Clarke giggled and accepted the leader's lightly-muscled arm. "Absolutely."


End file.
